Saturday Six – Big Hairy Monsters

Wrong type of monster.

Welcome to the Saturday Six, where each week I let you get to know me a bit better with the help of a list. Any idiot can do a Top 5 list, which is why I kicked it up a notch to a Top 6. This week’s topic: Big Hairy Monsters.

Let’s just do something completely different this week. Just a fun list of monsters. Not all of them scary, but all of them big and hairy. Oh hey, that rhymed!

1. Sweetums – There’s something about his scene in The Muppet Movie, where he squashed the bug on the windshield, changing the price of the car, and then comes running after the gang trying to go to Hollywood with them. I dunno, It just gets me everytime. Something about the floppy way he runs I just find hysterical

 

2. One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater – For some reason, in 1988, they decided to make a movie based on the 1958 song, and it was a total 80’s cheese fest. A magic alien is summoned to Earth when a child plays the record of the song, and he ends up joining a rock band and prevents the kid’s grandparents from being evicted from their house. If that doesn’t scream 80’s, I don’t know what does. Did I mention the kid was pre Doogie Howser Neil Patrick Harris? Or that the grandparents were played by Shelly Winters and Ned Beatty? Or that is also featured Thora Birch, Dustin Diamond, Peggy Lipton, Chubby Checker, and Little Richard? It was kind of insane. It was on the Disney Channel constantly when I was a kid. If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend it.

 

3. Gossamer – The ultimate Big Hairy Monster, as he is literally composed entirely out of hair, with a set of eyeballs and some sneakers.

 

4. Sulley – While he’s supposed to be a big and scary, he actually turns out the be a really swell guy, looking after that girl and whatnot after she follows him into the closet. Right, that’s what happens in that movie? I really have no idea, I’m just guessing as I’ve never seen it. But he’s voiced by John Goodman, he’s big and hairy, and the name of the damn movie has the word Monster in it, and that’s good enough to get him on the list.

 

5. Wampa – Now this is a monster! Do not mess with a wampa, unless you want to find yourself dangling upside down in a cave waiting to be eaten. Fun Fact: Apparently in the expanded universe it’s revealed that the reason the wampas get so pissed the the rebels is that all the astromech droid’s beeps and boops sound just like female wampas in heat. I’d be snapping peoples necks too if I went found a woman I thought was interested, and it turned out it was a beeping trash can.

 

6. Grimace – Unlike most other monsters who are supposed to be scary, and turn out to be nice, Grimace is the exact opposite. No Grimace, I don’t want your milkshake. I don’t want you to eat me when I get to close. Grimace is total nightmare fuel.

 

JohnScott is the proud owner of a life size replica Captain Kirk Chair. He is a hoarder of Comic Books, Transformers, and Star Trek action figures. He attended Space Camp as an adult. He has taken vacations to the closing of the Star Trek Experience and the final night Shuttle launch. He has been known to yell at his television when the kids can't put together the damn statue in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. When not writing for InsufficientScotty, he is a Software Engineer for a major healthcare communications company. You can Email or follow on Twitter @NotEnoughScotty or Facebook