Saturday Seven – Modern Christmas Songs

Welcome to the Saturday Six Seven, where each week I let you get to know me a bit better with the help of a list. Any idiot can do a Top 5 list, which is why I kicked it up a notch to a Top 6 7. This week’s topic: Modern Christmas Songs.

I have been holding onto this list for like 5 years. It’s always been in the hopper, it just never got done. But with Christmas being on a Sunday this year, I don’t think I’m ever going to get a better year to actually pull the trigger and do the damn thing, so here we go. And because I’m indecisive and that’s part of why this took so long, I just went ahead and made it supersized, like an old school episode of The Office, and bumped it up from 6 songs to 7. As you can see, my concept of Christmas was formed watching MTV in about 1987.

1. New Found Glory – “Ex-Miss” – This track was added to the 10th anniversary edition of New Found Glory’s self titled album, so it’s a little harder to find and they don’t really play it live at shows. Even so, for me, it’s not Christmas until I listen to this about 8 times on the trip to my family’s house for dinner.

 


2. Run DMC – “Christmas in Hollis” – If there is a song that screams “1980’s Christmas”, it would have to be this. I am partial to any song that features a line about mac and cheese, because of course I am. I once had a friend whose college very misguidedly tried to give him fried chicken and grape drink on Martin Luther King day. He took a picture of his lunch and was like “Look at these coli greens I’m having with my lunch”. I was like “You mean collard greens you fucking simpleton, have you never heard of (this song)?”

 


3. The Waitresses – “Christmas Wrapping” – Even though it’s in the song name, I don’t know that this is really a “rap” song as one might define it today, it’s more a spoken word track. Back in the 80’s, rap songs didn’t have curses and told sweet little tales, like all of The Fresh Prince’s songs because Bone Thugs N Harmony wasn’t invented yet. Who doesn’t want to just spend Christmas alone by themselves, but yet also paradoxically hook up with with that person they’ve been chasing all year due to the magic of Christmas and cranberry sauce? The jelly kind with the can mold lines in it of course. Screw any actual fruit.

 


4. No Doubt – “Oi to the World” – I know this is a cover of a Vandals’ song, but this is the better known version. There are far more ska based Christmas songs than one might think, but I just love this one because the story is batshit insane, and what other song has a line like “On the roof with the nunchucks Trevor broke a lot of bones / But Haji had a sword like the guy in Indiana Jones”. That’s Oscar Wilde like wordplay. Plus you can’t go wrong with early era No Doubt. Tragic Kingdom was such a damn good album. Although this video may have been OK at the time, I’m pretty sure if they made this video today, Gwen Stefani would get herself canceled.

 


5. Jimmy Eat World – “Last Christmas” – Another cover, but I prefer it to the original version by George Michael & Andrew Ridgeley as it’s a bit more bouncy and uptempo. Also, it doesn’t cause one to lose at Whamageddon, unless you play under the stricter ruleset of no covers or remixes allowed. And if you do, whoops, sorry about that. Although it does perpetuate the stereotype that Jimmy Eat World is a soft emo band. Back at the time, “Bleed American” was one of my favorite songs. Unfortunately, that was right before 9/11, which got the song on the Clear Channel list of banned songs until it was retroactively renamed “Salt, Sweat, Sugar”.

 


6. Blink 182 – “I Won’t Be Home For Christmas” – Christmas can be a trying time for everyone, even before these pandemic end of days we are now living in, but this one pretty much sums up that feeling perfectly. Can’t we just exchange presents without all the bullshit involved in the season? I am a grown ass adult with my own disposable income, thank you very much. You don’t need to get me anything if you don’t want to.

 


7. The Ramones – “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)” – It’s such a simple sentiment. Sure, maybe Grandma is mental and just told your Jewish dinner guest that the Holocaust didn’t happen (a real thing that actually happened to me, after telling that same Jewish Dinner guest at Thanksgiving a month prior that Hitler had the right idea and was onto something), but can’t we just let it slide for one night? She’s very old and clearly has dementia, she won’t even remember it tomorrow.

 

JohnScott is the proud owner of a life size replica Captain Kirk Chair. He is a hoarder of Comic Books, Transformers, and Star Trek action figures. He attended Space Camp as an adult. He has taken vacations to the closing of the Star Trek Experience and the final night Shuttle launch. He has been known to yell at his television when the kids can't put together the damn statue in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. When not writing for InsufficientScotty, he is a Software Engineer for a major healthcare communications company. You can Email or follow on Twitter @NotEnoughScotty or Facebook