CZW’s Dojo Wars IX Results

Well, since I don’t have anything to do on Wednesday nights, and the CZW Academy is only 20 minutes from my house, every other week I’ll be attending Dojo Wars, their bi-weekly “House Show”. It’s 5 matches for 5 bucks, how can you go wrong with that? Since the only way to see the show is to be there, and only a very limited number of people can fit in the place, I’ll let you in on all the details with a full results list, pictures and match breakdown.

This week’s event was pretty sparsely attended, only about 15 people, which I assume is because it’s no longer summer and school is back in session, so a bunch of regulars and families couldn’t make it. But just because there were only a few of us there, doesn’t mean they didn’t put on one hell of a show. In fact, they went above and beyond, putting on some of the most entertaining matches yet. There were two qualifying matches with the winners meeting in a match at weekend’s “Down with the Sickness” event, a fun six man tag, an epic main event, and some news about the future of Dojo Wars.

 
Results:

• Frankie Pikard defeated Conor Claxton
• Qefka the Quiet defeated Andrew Wolf in a qualifying match for a spot at Down with the Sickness
• Irritating Igor defeated Brittany Blake in a qualifying match for a spot at Down with the Sickness
• Eric Corvis, Sozio, and Preacher Finneus James defeated Kit Osbourne, Nate Carter, and Kory Kastle
• Joe Gacy versus Drew Gulak ended in a no contest after a time limit draw and a 5 minute overtime

Continuing their best out of whatever series, the opening match was yet again Conor Claxton versus Frankie Pikard. This week they both seemed to play it a little differently then they normally do, with a lot of grappling. There were plenty of waist locks, wrist locks, headlocks, etc. Pretty much if it could be locked, they threw a lock on it. Pikard won after a massive clothesline.

Then it was announced that the next two matches would be qualifiers, with the winners meeting each other in a match on this weekend’s iPPV, Down with the Sickness. Up first was Andrew Wolf against Qefka the Quiet. The match started out with a pantomimed swordfight, until the ref confiscated their swords, even though Wolf’s was real and Qefka’s was not. The big spot of the match was Qefka hit a rolling senton on Wolf, then rolling through to the apron and trying to hit a second one over the ropes, but Wolf managed to get out of the way and avoid the impact. Qefka got the win after hitting Wolf with a clothesline off the ropes.

The other qualifier featured Irritating Igor, the itchiest man in the world (on account of all the lice) versus Brittany Blake. I assumed based purely on his gimmick that Igor, or whatever his name was this week, didn’t stand a chance. Plus Qefka versus Brittany would make for an epic PPV match, but alas, it was not to be. Brittany went for her Stratisfaction finisher, but Igor reversed it into a powerbomb to pick up the victory.

Then, before intermission, it was announced that beginning at the next Dojo Wars, they will start the first ever Tournament of Valor, with the winner being awarded the Medal of Valor and a $5000 scholarship courtesy of their sponsors. Who the sponsors are, who’s in the tournament, and the tournament structure were all not elaborated on, other than that the tournament will span over several Dojo Wars, so we’ll just have to wait two weeks and find out. This should be interesting, and lead to a shakeup in the matches, so we aren’t always seeing the same thing every week (I’m looking at you guys Claxton and Pikard).

After intermission, we were treated to a non-elimination, non-intergender six man tag for a change, featuring the team of Eric Corvis, Sozio, and Preacher Finneus James up against the team of Kit Osbourne, Nate Carter, and Kory Kastle. It was a pretty fun and hectic match. For whatever reason, Nate Carter came to the ring with a pair of purple panties on his head to hold his hair back. Corvis hit him so hard, he knocked the panties clear off. He then rubbed his ass with them, then threw Carter to the ropes and tried to leap over him. Carter however caught him and threw him into a powerbomb. He then hit Corvis so hard he knocked the gum clear out of his mouth, but Corvis picked it up off the mat and kept chewing it. Carter then tagged in Osborne, who hit flying cross bodys from each of the 3 non hostile corners on Corvis. Then the heel team took turns tagging in and out, and just generally beating the hell out of Osbourne for a good long time. Corvis got tagged in while he was chugging from his water bottle, and proceeded to spit water all over Osbourne’s face. Finneus powerbombed Osbourne, but Corvis said he could do it better, so Finneus tagged him in, and indeed, he performed a better powerbomb. After about 10 minutes of getting beat down, Osbourne finally managed to hit the hot tag to Carter, who cleared the ring, which included a nasty power slam onto Corvis. At this point it broke down into a total melee, with all 6 men in the ring just beating on each other. Carter got Corvis in a torture rack, but Sozio came in and kicked him in the face to score the pinfall.

The main event of the evening was Joe Gacy versus Drew Gulak. While the prior match was fast and frenetic, this match was much more cool and calculating. It had the feel of an extended amatur wrestling match or a game of chess, with each man feeling out his opponent and planning out a few steps ahead. The match started out with a bunch of headlocks and collar and elbow tie ups. There was a bunch of mat wrestling, with both combatants rolling over each other, and many submission attempts. About 10 minutes into the match, Gacy tweaked his knee, and Gulak seized on the opportunity. The rest of the match centered on a variety of leg and ankle locks that put pressure on Gacy’s weakened knee. Gulak pretty much dominated, but Gacy never gave up, even though he couldn’t stand up on his own and spent most of the rest of the match on his back. Gacy did get in a few flurries of offense, reversing one of the ankle locks into a Boston Crab, but because of his knee he couldn’t really but his weight into it. For the first time in Dojo Wars, the match ended with a 30 minute time limit draw. The crowd started yelling for overtime, and after catching their breath for a bit, they both agreed and we went to a 5 minute extension. Gacy looked like he might have had a shot, hitting a suplex with about 20 seconds to go, but was too winded to capitalize before time expired. Even though the match went a full 35 minutes, and wasn’t full of big bumps, it was still an exciting match to watch and never got boring, unlike some of last week’s extended matches. I hope this means good things for Gacy, as he really held his own against a veteran like Gulak. Maybe now he can have a title reign longer than 2 untelevised weeks.

JohnScott is the proud owner of a life size replica Captain Kirk Chair. He is a hoarder of Comic Books, Transformers, and Star Trek action figures. He attended Space Camp as an adult. He has taken vacations to the closing of the Star Trek Experience and the final night Shuttle launch. He has been known to yell at his television when the kids can't put together the damn statue in the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. When not writing for InsufficientScotty, he is a Software Engineer for a major healthcare communications company. You can Email or follow on Twitter @NotEnoughScotty or Facebook